Monthly Archives: December 2012

hidden, longing to be found…


your chin is up,

your big smile is bright

but is this truly  you

or is reality the dark of night?


you bend your knees

but can you still stand on your own?

the glass over your eyes

tells me there’s more you haven’t shown.


your heart is broken 

over things whispered in your ears,

and it’s loud, believable

but it’s not truth, it’s just your lying fears.


you keep holding on,

even though you feel put on a shelf,

yet deep down you know,

you know, don’t ya know, there’s more to life than yourself?


put it out there-

let the real you be shown,

the path of vulnerability

is the only way you’ll truly be known


so, you, girl,

you-the one with life weighing you down

and life keeping you up,

don’t ya know what the lost feels when she’s found?


she’s worth the searching,

her absence an utter loss–

determined to find her,

she’s found at a cost.


that’s you, daughter,

afraid to be found

but hearing your name,

you start turning around.


let the walls down,

let the fig leaves fall,

and tell of your pain

then listen…for His call.


it seems unbelievable,

but, really, it’s true

the greatest Love died

to show love to you.


night gives way

to dawn of light

the fear you’ve lived

is now made right.


utter “thank you”

in every wilderness you walk,

for He has allured you

so that in kindness to your heart He may talk.


*inspired by Hosea 2:19








60 Seconds and Eternity….



This’ll just take a minute….

It took me 2 minutes to post this…during that time the bad news of this chart has doubled. It can take a believer 1 to 15 minutes to tell a person the greatest news ever: there’s a Friend who walks through each day with His people, 1 minute by 1 minute and at the end of those minutes in a life, there is only good news left:  There are no minutes in heaven…only continual joy and everlasting peace and the amazing illuminating Presence of God.  So, sometime this month, make a minute matter more than these 20 things do.

20 things 1 min

the slow descent of absence….


Away.  Private. Quiet time. Read.  Study. Think. Beauty of words. Heartfelt meaning….These are confessions of love of  a closet introvert and I guess I’m “coming out.”

Extrovert, talker, loud, laugher, speaker, hugger, encourager, obnoxious, spontaneous, administratively challenged, and unpredictable…might be how most would describe me.  And they would be right.  But I’m Jeckle and Hyde, Jill AND Jack, loner and life of the party.

Concession stand girl, Eckerd’s check out queen, Resident Hall supervisor, chocolate candy maker, computer researcher, head-hunter, seamstress, computer focus author, photographer, dark room specialist, painter, decorator, women’s director, hostess, camp counselor, ice-cream scooper, babysitter, speaker, writer…all diverse money-make endeavors which have helped us along through the years.

Yep, I make myself crazy. 1/2 introvert, 1/2 extrovert, jack of all trades and master of none.  sheesh!!

In the wild ride that is my life (and probably yours too), there have been a few things–very few–which have stayed consistent:  the joy and love of amazing–really amazing–parents, the love and commitment of a husband I’m afraid I will sickeningly brag on if I start, the joy, fun, and struggle of 6 sons.  These 3 are passions I have been born into or been committed to for life.

There’s one facet of this roller coaster ride of destiny that I have actually had to choose over and over to dedicate my life to and it was in the slow descent of the absence of that dedication that I learned the value of it.  For the better part of my life…since age 18, I have had women in my life who poured truth into me and those who allowed me the privilege of pouring into them.  All of us longing to know and love Jesus more and have lives which demonstrated that to the world.  It’s never been a facet of my life to which I gave much thought…even before campus ministry and church staff, it just made sense.

After 6 children, cancer, a tough church situation, the death of my father, the transition to yet another city, my introvert won out.  I was tired, peopled-out (heck, the 6 boys were enough noise for me!), and as a pastor’s wife I longed for some privacy.  So, when we moved I focused on all my men at home….for some years.  Even with a job directing a women’s ministry in a church, I did not find the Power or Presence that have now been restored to me.

Why?  Because I was not intimately involved in a hungry, word-seeking, surrendered group of women.  But now….well, now, to bring an old song back, “the girls are back in town.”  These girls…oh, bless God, these girls….well, truth be known, there are thousands of them in every town, every phase of life, all levels of commitment to Christ…they are all…well, amazing.

They’ve been absent in my life.  Because of me.  And it has been a slow descent into selfishness, quietness succombing to aloneness, thriving to wilting, challenged to “whatever”…..And I would have never admitted it.  But, when I lost the gift of discipleship, I lost a part of life and began the slow descent into absence.  Absence of…perspective, hope, love, encouragement, challenge, determination, faith, obedience, the best…

Why do I write so long on this?  Because, no matter who you are, what personality you have (and mine is pretty challenging, so you are probably on the up-side of that struggle!!), choices you’ve made, mistakes, triumphs, joys, and sorrows you have, discipleship is the path Jesus used.  It is the path for you and me to find the immediate and constant true life that His presence brings.  I bet there is someone just waiting to be asked…”Will you lead me?, or to ask, “May I lead you?”  Ask someone now and start your group in January…what a great way to start the new year….

PS  Wed. morning….I really, really love you,  sweet 6 girls.  Thank you.