Dang, that’s what I thought I wanted…


DANG, (that’s a Christian cuss word by the way—sorry)  I STILL WANT IT.

I’ve mentioned it to my husband, my friends, my mother, even my sons.

But they still won’t get it for me.

I thought I might get it for mother’s day, or my birthday, or anniversary.

Dog-gonnit, still didn’t get it.

What’s wrong with these people?

I feel that I have been pretty clear.

But as I write you, I realize I am having a difficult time describing it to you, so maybe that’s why they didn’t get it.

HOW THOUGH?  How could you not get it?  It’s what I have ALWAYS wanted.

When daddy brought me M & M’s on his arrival home from work, I still wanted it.mms2

When my kindergarten teacher told me I was the best “horse galloper” in the class, I really wanted it.

When I had my heart set on  eight children and I had six boys, I wanted it.

When I visited other people, I wanted it.

When I saw others’ Godliness I wanted it.


Down time.




Physical health and appearance.








Freedom from conflict.



No matter what I saw in others I still craved it, longed for it, strived for it, fought for it.


Just MORE.

more m & m’s; more affection; more love; more admiration; more beauty; more money; more health, hope, wisdom, strength; more children; more love; more friends; more assurance…more, more, more.

That’s what I’ve always wanted.


It never really seemed important how much I had, I wanted it.

Sometimes it could even oppose other things I wanted.  But IT always won out.

HE made us to want it.  Augustine said that we have a vacuumed shaped heart that is not at peace until it is filled with Him.

Well, I have vacuumed a few 1000 times.  No matter how much I go over a spot, the vacuum still sucks, consuming something I could never see.  Our hearts want more because that’s how we are created.  More, more, more (as ABBA sang).

However, have you ever experienced this desire for more when you are overflowing?  The want of the very “thing” that never runs out?  It forces you to want more for others, not for yourself.  MORE.  More for my sinner friend, more for my Pastor, more for my neighbor, more for my disciple, more for the store manager, the slow poke in front of me, the child who wears me out, the husband who wants more, the disapproving child-care giver, the mother-in-law, etc.

We still all want it. But what if the MORE is holy more?  More of God…More for others…more avenues to die…more hope in Him.  Have you ever wanted more when you are overflowing?  You can’t sustain it for yourself.  It HAS  to go somewhere else.  One of the greatest ways to overcome this life-long desire is to long it for some one else.

No more m & m’s. No more praise about ponies or mommies or wives or school participants or church members or money or appearance.   But still more.  A holy more.  More of Him who abounds in love, whose hope never ends, whose eternity was way before and way beyond m & m’s, horsey praise, decorations, and a righteous facade…way beyond(fill in the blank, friend)…

The more in us was created for Him.


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